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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

an attempt

I've been going back and forth about whether or not to completely delete this, try and keep up with it, or leave it alone for the past few weeks.

I've finally reached my decision. It's time to try again, and perhaps a bit harder.

I let myself realize it's not about writing everyday, but writing what means a lot to me and what I'll want to look back on. Because, let's be real, how many of you are reading this?

Let's start here.
Two nights ago I was on Bourbon Street in front of statues of great musicians getting my palm read by a woman who dreamed of going to New York. As she read my tarot cards, eerily creepy statements came from her mouth that related direction to who I am, who I want to be and what I'm struggling with. I'm not talking about the generic "You will get married" statements. I'm talking, peoples names, major health concerns, and other specifics that there was no way she could have known.

It's been on my mind the past few days and I can't help but kick myself for not asking her more questions. Specifically "BUT WHAT THE HECK DOES IT ALL MEAN?!"

In two days I'll start my Senior Year of college. I'll be at Montclair State University, 4 hours away from where I started my first day of college. I'll run a book sale for the MTSO which I am now a president of and I'll know many familiar faces. But I can't help but wonder if leaving Ithaca is the "mistake I made that leads to many doors I would have never seen" that she was talking about.

Let's take a look at where the last 3 years of decision have lead me.
Senior year of high school I decided to attend Ithaca College.
A year at Ithaca left me at a crossroad with a huge pro and con list.
I ended up transferring to Montclair State and living at home.
Because I was living at home, I decided to sign up for alternative spring break.
I got accepted and because I went on ASB, I met the core of friends who love NOLA.
Because I met them, I went back my Junior year spring break.
Because I went back and worked with St. Bernard Project, I entered a contest.
That contest put me back in New Orleans.
And I've been back once more on my own.

But here's the thing. Was leaving Ithaca the "mistake"? Would I have gone on ASB my sophomore year if I had stayed? Probably not. But now, because of that one trip. I see my future including many things that I would have never included.

And that is New Orleans, Americorp State with St. Bernard Project. (Oh yeah, I mean after I finish my Music Therapy Internship in New Orleans).

So I'm going to make it happen. As for the rest of the things she said, I'll take it with a grain of salt....