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Friday, December 9, 2011

i just cried in a walgreens. lesson number 8.

Yes, I cried in Walgreens. And no, I'm not ashamed.

I know it's been a while, a long while in fact, but the truth is I've just been learning too many lessons to keep up.  In the past four weeks I've flown to Atlanta, reunited with KATE and the rest of the MSU professors, sat behind Ben Folds at our National Conference, learned so much and was so inspired to keep doing this wonderful job from INCREDIBLE music therapists, flew back to Indy, celebrated Thanksgiving in West Laf with an Ashley Farms turkey, turned 23 in Chicago with wonderful wonderful people, saw Buddy Guy perform LIVE and so close to my face, went back to Indy, worked my butt off on a final presentation (a job proposal for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital), had amazing patients to work with, celebrated the end of my internship and got to meet baby Emerson (SO SWEET), celebrated again, and again, and again....packed and packed and packed, and now here I am in the business center of my apartment because I have no more internet since I'm leaving for NJ in 12 hours.

So why did I cry in a Walgreens? 

Well you see, July 4th took a toll on my camera if you all remember.  It went in the river when we went canoeing, worked for a few days, before finally giving up. So I've been camera-less and for anyone who knows me, you know how I love my photog skills.  I've been using a lovely 35 mm camera throughout my journey and today something was not right.  The film wouldn't advance or rewind.  So I opened it up (very scared) to find that it had disconnected from the container.  I took it to Walgreens and they determined that the film had broken in half and possibly only 12 pictures could be developed.

Well, zero were.

And so I cried.

You see, I've had a lovely little life here in Indianapolis and those pictures are what I have to remember it by. Or so I thought.  I realized after I a Walgreens...that it isn't about the pictures.  Yes, there were pictures of a thanksgiving turkey, and of the beautiful Christmas decorations downtown, and of my birthday breakfast made by the lovely Nina and of beautiful baby Emerson and of me at my desk on my last day in the office (oh no, about to cry again)....but those are all things that are saved on my heart as well. They are moment in time that will be a part of me forever, even if they don't exist on a piece of paper and I can't remember the exact details like what I was wearing (although, maybe it'll be a good thing when I'm so unfashionable years from now).

The biggest things that I want to remember are things I didn't have pictures of at all.  It is moments like sitting in the office sharing cafe au lait with my supervisors and trying not to cry thinking about leaving this wonderful home.  (Yup, crying) It's moments in a session where an incredible patient of mine wouldn't let go of a hug on my last day.  It's sitting around a table on my birthday with new friends and old friends on Skype and feeling just so incredibly loved.  My heart is heavy to think about leaving it all tomorrow, but I'm SO lucky to have lived this life.

I am so honored to have been a part of the team at Riley, a staff of 25ish? incredible women with huge hearts and so much to offer. A year ago (almost exactly to the day) I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I accepted the internship, but I had a feeling it would be something great. That feeling was beyond accurate.  Not only have I grown as a music therapist but as a person, in so many ways and I'm just so thankful to have had this opportunity.

So what is the overall lesson that I learned here in Indiana?

trust yourself....
the payoff is huge.  find a supportive team, they are around you in the least expected places.  take risks.  say what you need to say when you need to say it.   give everything you can, in whatever way you can, and the return will be the best reward of all.

So here I am....1,067 hours later.  About to spend my last night in this incredible city. 

You've been a really hoot, Indiana. I'm not quite sure I'm done with the midwest yet.....I think you'll see me again.

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